Hi. I Can't Stop Making T Shirts.

I'm moving to New York in 4 weeks. I've always loved wearing I Love NY t shirts, but I don't ever want to be that nerd that wears "USA" shirts in the USA, or that kid that wears the concert T of the band they saw the night before to school the next day (I HATED those dorks.) Yet their simplistic 70s/80s graphic design and cheap cheap cheapness are so alluring! (5 for $10 on Canal Street! are you kidding!) So I'm trying to figure a way I can make this work, without letting everyone know what a totally lame loser I am before they even talk to me.
My first attempt was to slice a larger shirt (adult medium, I'm a total slut and like my shirts very tight. I usually wear a youth Large or Medium) diagonally across the heart part. I then cut off the neck (I hate necks of Ts), on sleeve and the hem of the other. Holding the newly sliced parts together, I cut fringe down the length of the shirt (about 1/4"-1/2" wide and about 1" long). Now, the best thing to do next is put the now open shirt on. It'll look like you just got back from a gift shop in Atlantic City with all that fringe. Do not be tempted to bead it! Or just do it. I'm sure the hipsters will love the irony.
Or follow my advice, and begin tying corresponding pieces of fringe to you as tight as it will go. Do so to the rest of the shirt. If it isn't tight enough, you're going to have to untie and lengthen the fringe piece. It is pretty easy. Now, if I wasn't totally trashy, I probably would not have cut an area right across the boob, but since I am classless, I don't mind if my bra pokes through a teensy bit. Cut off all the excess fringe left over from tying. For the sleeves, tie the sleeveless side with a strip of T shirt, or a ribbon. If the shirt doesn't hang right, re-cut the sleeves, but be careful not to cut too deep into the armpit area or you will have a gaping hole and your bra will show in a more white trash dudes kind of way. If you mess it up, take solace in knowing the shirt only cost for $2. If a vendor tries to charge you more, just tell him that the dude down the street told you 5 for $10. This is guaranteed to work.
I'm still not sure if I will wear this in NYC. It might still be too ironic, even for me. But I'll definitely sport it in Philly or Chicago or my hometown of Bufflkill. Everyone there always makes fun of what I wear anyway. I swear, everytime I go home, some cheesy girl in white capris tries to fight me because she hates my cowboy boots! How does she know I wasn't just wranglin' cattle? At least I wasn't wearing WHITE CARGO CAPRIS!
Those are words to live by:
AT LEAST I'M NOT WEARING WHITE CARGO CAPRIS